2016 has come to end.

tomorrow is the last day of 2016.

and another two weeks to go to my last day as a postgraduate student.

it might be a long way to go.

to be able to list down the dreams that I really want is something that I can only did.

to be able to make the dreams coming out real and exist - I'm counting on it.

I might not see my path clear but I do believe in Allah's plan.

He wrote the best story to each of us.

We should just keep praying.

We should just keep believing.

We should just keep trying.

I deserved all the magics and dreams.

I'll make sure that 2017 was a brand new year, fresh starts, new chances, new feels, healthier, prettier and all! May Allah bless my journey, families, love, friends and everyone.

HAPPY NEW YEAR !

Xeyr,

30 Dec. 2016.

Products Review.

Holla everybody!

How are you doing ?

So to day i will be reviewing several products that i currently used to maintain and reduce my oily-acne-annoying skin. My never ending skin problem has made my purse definitely suuffered a huge blow! But nevermind, for the sake of having a healthy skin, sis redho!


1. Cetaphil Cleanser & Moisturizer

Just bought it last two days and doesnt give a try yet but well, most of of the review in the google engine 99% gave a POSITIVE feedback. Especially for a problem,oily, acne skin like me. Thats why i wanted to try it after I finish my Himalaya Face Wash.

2. Aiken Tea Tree Oil Toner

Why i choose this toner? It superb as it does control my breakout, refined my pores and it has salicylic acid antara salah satu ingredient yang bagus untuk memerangi jerawat!
Been using this dua botol dah. Highly recommended sebab murah. Around RM5-6.

3. Himalaya Purifying Neem Face Wash.

Dulu dah pakai set himalaya ni. lepas tu gatal tangan tukar yang lain, lepas tu pakai balik lepas muka dah naik teruk last year :( padan muka siapa suruh tak setia kan. this himalaya sangat bagus control muka berjerawat ni dari merebak cuma bila lama-lama pakai muka macam dah immune. Thats why rasa nak tukar Cetaphil !

4. Organic Vitamin E. 

This pelembab i bought it right after all my pimples gone and tinggal parut. the scars were horrible and i need something to give more radient complexion. and of course for scars-vitamin E is a must! because i heard so many good review about it, so why not. ambik masa yang sangat lama sebab saya pakai tak consistent, and my face felt so moist but BIT OILY AFTER AN HOUR. this is what i hate the most about using moisturizer, semua nya buat muka macam lagi oily but WE NEED MOISTURIZERRRRRRRRR! (please recommend me any good moisturizer yang tak buat kulit minyak, i just think about changing to Neutrogena Moisturizer, what do you think?)

5. Hiruscar Post Acne

i love the smell of this product. kind of good and great to fade off the dark spot of my acne scar. I put it at night or morning after washing my face. improvement is there, but for sure IT TOOK TIMES. semua nya kena SABAR DAN SABAR DAN SABAR. okey?

6. Nixorderm

THIS PRODUCT MIGHT NOT FAMILIAR. but those who had the experience of having worst skin condition might hear this. most of them said that it is good. Of course it is, my honest review dan pengalaman guna this nixorderm, when you applied it to affected area, it kill your pimple right away! only in one night, your red-big-pimple will shrink and die. AWAS! Kulit might feel the harsh macam pedih sikit , but it doesnt make your skin irritated at all. For a better regime, just put moisturizer once the pimples drying out.

7. St, Ives  Apricot Scrub

this scrub is special for blemish control. as i think that my face was always breakout and blemish so i bought this.There 's another cool scrub of this brand like green tea (for normal skin to remove blackhead) and one more (i cant remember) - i probably wanna buy them after i finish using this. Anyway, this scrub was amazing and cool! super smooth, soft,freshhhh and boleh rasa kulit sangat lembat2 gitu after i scrub. It also minimizes pores!

8. Freeman Mint & Lemon Claymask

actually i fall in love with this freeman mask after i watched some reviews in youtube. they used cucumber peeel-off mask, apricot, charcoal& black sugar and many more ! feels like to buy them all but IM NOT RICH! i need to put a gap evrytime i wanna buy new product. lol. lame! my first time using this mask, i felt so fresh and it leave my skin cleannnnnnn.

Instead of my complaining, i am grateful by the way as its good to say the least that i dont have crazy breakouts anymore. EXCEPT THOSE THAT TEND OUT TO POP UP during that time in a month. Apart from using 100 of products, we should remember to HAVE A PLENTY REST, handle STRESS WELL, AVOID PRESSURE, and EXERCISE and DRINK MORE WATER!

If you guys happened to use the products i mentioned above, leave your comment okay?
Alright then.Thats all from me. Good night!

Love,
Xeyr.

That's me, every day.

Insecure? Its me.

You wake up, you slowly get out of bed and stretch. You're okay with your body, you're okay with your self, but you're reluctant to check up on how your face is doing. Last night you put on a scrub, a lotion, a cream, you took a pill or anything to try and make those disgusting red spots go away. You look up, tired eyed and wearily into your mirror. Of course, they haven't gone. Yet another day to endure feeling unclean and insecure. 

Self concious. Acne makes your face feel dirty and unwashed. So what happened to the hours you spent cleaning it? The hair and hands you keep away from your face to avoid worsening the problem. You're cheeks are red and blotchy, your forehead spotty and stingy, or itchy. You're chin,nose and the sides of your face are all plagued by these spots. Acne is the worst. Ever. It's not going to make you depressed but it's enough to make sure you keep your head down at college, to make sure any pictures of you are in a certain light, with a certain distance away from your face. You may not be fat, or going bald or something. But to be able to run your hand over your face and not feel anything, no bumps, no pain. It's all you want. You've tried everything. Literally. 

I can’t count the number of times I’ve been accidentally lectured by those well-meaning peoples. Trust me, I’m much more disturbed about my physical defects than you are. Unsolicited advice can be humiliating. These days, I keep it to myself because what the hell do I know about another person’s struggle and what they’ve tried and haven’t tried? 

That's me, every day. 

But they will go, we all just have to ignore them as best we can, and stay positive. Acne truly is the worst. When it comes to your face anyway. It's unpleasant but when they've FINALLY gone (and they will go) you'll appreciate your skin ten times more than that girl at school who has never had a single spot on her face.

any supportive comment is needed. 

thanks.

Master Journey (Part 1)

So, it has been exactly a YEAR I’m doing my master studies, and I have another 4 months to go until February then I will finish everything. I just can’t wait to have my own carrier my own car, my own house and all. Hopefully Allah does help me to ease the path of upcoming life. I am way too excited to look forward. I think I have equipped myself enough with the knowledge and I really hope people would see me as a useful-great person to be working with.

Along with my journey to get the master, I have been gone through a lot of pain, obstacles, and the struggle is real. It is not about how hard was the education or the complexity of engineering stuff in a master level but it is a matter of money and life. I finally know how does it feel when you don’t have any money and you know what? finding money is the most difficult task. Ever. Universities, colleges or schools doesn’t teach you how to survive but they just give you the theoretical knowledge that you can use to your future. From the knowledge, you can make money and think by yourself.

I am 24^th years old this year. Many of my friends getting hitched, married and engaged. While I am still the same girl with the PTPTN loan holder, 40K $ debt of PTPTN need to be settle, cooking skill not master, body shape still skinny, pimples all over the surface of my skin and yeah. I kinda hate myself now, but God knows how blessful I am supposed to feel. Thinking about married is a major NO right now.

During my first semester of master, I worked at Dakwah Corner Bookstore in PJ, about two months but I was way too exhausted so I quit. It was very far from my college and I have to walk, take a bus, take a KTM, take LRT, then WALK again and again. Sometimes I cried. Because I’m tired. I couldn’t study at night. I think it will affect my result so I resign as soon as study week is approached. As the stressful environment heat me up, my weight reduced, my face was getting really worse with the severe acne prone like I couldn’t imagine how bad it is. People who see me, will ask me what happen to your FACE. And I just say, Product Mistake perhaps. I ignored my skin actually because you know what I DON’T HAVE MONEY TO BUY THINGS-TO MEET DOCTORS-TO BUY MEDICINE OR TO BUY ANY DRINK TO HEAL THE ACNE. I don’t give a DAMN about it and I let them grow happily and walk with the scary face without any feeling. I am kinda GAVE UP. Then, I took exam, sit for VIVA, and pass with flying color, Alhamdulillah. Two month semester break, I clean up my face.

Second semester started in March and I decided to apply PTPTN because I don’t want to burden my father with the fees. At the same time, I am trying to work anywhere I found the advertisement, I pray to God a lot, I email to every kindergarten for weekend job. I successfully get the PTPTN loan about 7K. I work one day at the stall in Zaba Cafe to balut popia about 300 pieces, they paid me very little but I am happy to get the RM18 salary per day! And early April, I got a part time job as a TUTOR. I was very excited and thankful; Allah does hear me. MasyaAllah. I love teaching but the skill is not there. My student name is Alin. His father pays me RM30 per hour. In a month, the salary was more than enough to buy me food!

Second semester was quit happier, easier than semester one as I got the salary from my part time tutor-job, got PTPTN loan, got Zakat UKM, and my parents gave me a motorcycle to go to a class and work. Plus, there is no master project so I seem relax and eat without thinking my money will decrease. I hate the moment when I have to stop myself from buying food because I need to cut down my money. I hate how I should eat less in a day and that’s why I buy many foods as I want when I’m in sem 2. 

I pass the semester with a very flying colours of result am so thankful. Alhamdulillah. It was kind of my first time ever getting the best result out of my life. Big achievement! What about semester 3? I will continue writing after I finish my semester 3 later! I am now in week 3 of my last semester.

The journey was amahzingggg! Happy weekend!

Daily Supplement - Routine.

Hello readers! Happy friday. Have you read Al-Kahf today?

My updates today will be about my daily supplement routine, which mean, the description on what i eat everyday to obtain the good skin, and health and all! been a year since my skin (face) experienced the HORROR EPISODE when i have such a bad acne.
ALHAMDULILLAH now its better. the healing process took time.

day by days, i did a lot of research and read so many things from so many sources (yang dipercayai)

on how to take care of my sensitive skin. 

Morning

 Before my breakfast i will take these things:

1. Jus Delima (satu sudu) - For energy, avoid tired-ness and cleaning my blood

2. Madu (satu sudu kecil) + habatussauda - for my brain and enhance the efficiency of memorising

jus delima

madu

After heavy breakfast:

1. VCO (virgin coconut oil-1 capsule) - for better skin, avoid production of  pimples

2. Vitamin C Shaklee (1 biji)- for an extra antibody to prevent cold,flu and fever and also for a brighter skin, it kinda protect the skin from sunrays.

VCO

Vit C

*note that every supplement should consume after a meal for best absorption and less stomach irritation. this is PARTICULARLY IMPORTANT!

Noon

NO SUPPLEMENT TAKEN.

Evening

After early dinner around 7pm, I took VCO 1 Capsule (because i need to take VCO twice daily)

Night

1. minum green tea - it is for clear skin but in the same time dia reduce weight! so tak ambik setiap malam pun sebab tak nak kurus :( (my current bmi was below 16 you know UNDERWEIGHT!!!)

2.  Bella Sinus C60 (2 biji)

Bella Sinus

boh green tea

before i sleep, i took Bella Sinus C60 for curing my alahan RESDUNG. it works really well! sangat recommended sebabnya hilang semua kegatalan hidung, bersin dan ketidakselesaan pada hidung,kepala semua. dah 3 botol aku consumed. 

Then, enough. 

Terima kasih sebab baca. Till we meet again guys. Later, I will update about the product used to disminish my acne and scars.

Hello Readers.

hi.
I just wannna say.
I'm still kicking and alive!

Pray for my future pretty please. May Allah ease me.

love,
Nur Hazirah.
UKM, August 2016.

Anxiety, Insecurity and Jealousy

hello readers.

Have you ever realize that moment when anxiety, insecurity and jealousy attacked you?

Through my experiences, it have been more than 5 years dealing with this suck feelings.
I have come to learn that this instinctive emotion is merely trying to protect our ego, 
by burying our inadequacies and insecurities. 

Our mind is at work protecting us in the comforts of our little cocoon shell. 
But to what benefit does it serve??
Nothing. At all.

In relationships, this emotion is so pervasive and instantaneous that people fail to take time, step back and evaluate it. It breaks communication, compassion and damages relationships. 
(usually i am the one who ignite the fight during a conversation)

I know that I have been jealous and I am intimately aware of the impact it can have on a relationship. When we are in a state of jealousy, we are operating in a state of instinctual survival mode. We are acting out of scarcity. In this state, we are irrational and the only thing we can think about is ourselves. 

We fail to consider the feelings and impact of our behavior on other people. But when we operate from a place of abundance, we unleash the human spirit, think compassionately towards others. We can free ourselves from negative emotions.

JEALOUSY IS JUST A LACK OF SELF-CONFIDENCE.

but over the years, i have really reduced this annoying behaviour. and yeah i am laughing out loud to my own self for being silly stupid girl like what had the photos above describe >.< hahaha!

remember. just a little. dont overdose it !

I found some useful tips on how to eliminate this sick-feeling. I know i can't even cure this disease by seeing doctor. It is in me, I-myself must find out the root cause, the best preventive way to handle this insecurities jealousy and anxiety that eventually kill my happiness.

1. By practicing this, “you can move beyond the ego’s perspective and see reality from the perspective of a higher consciousness.””To overcome jealousy, just see how the jealousy came into your system, just analyze the sequence of thoughts and emotions in your system and then undo it by reasoning out the whole process with your intelligence.” — Swamiji Nithyananda

2. If you don’t fully accept and love yourself as you are, you could be more prone to comparing yourself to others as a way of artificially boosting your feeling of self-worth.” — Steve Pavlina.

3.Write It Out. I’ve always found it helpful to think on paper. By writing down your thoughts, it gives you an opportunity to express yourself, but also lays your options out clearly on paper. It’s like seeing the city from an airplane, you have a clearer vision of the big-picture. Ask yourself “Why do I feel this way?” Write out all your reasons out on paper. Write without editing, jot down anything that comes to mind.

4. Be realistic by asking ourself:

     - Is the person really a threat to you? To your relationship? To your business?

    -Is what you are feeling or doing creating any benefits for anyone involved? If it doesn’t feel very good and it’s not helping you, then does it make sense to continue feeling this way?

    -Is there a lesson I can learn here? What is the inspiration I can gain from this situation?

and you can read more in this article written by Tina Su (9 Ways to overcome Jealousy)

watching them getting old

such a heavy breathing.

thinking that your mum and dad has getting old.

when knowing them getting sick.

its a heart-breaking.

a little things i noticed-sign of aging.

i just can't wait to make them like a KING and QUEEN.

i just can't wait to let them DO NOTHING.
to stop them from finding money.

so dear Allah, please hear my prayer.

to let them live healthier.

and longer.

don't let them old.

nothing significant- just enough to remind,

that clock is running out.

Hazirah.

March 2016.

The Battle: My Acne-Prone Skin.

I thought by the time I reached 23 years old, my skin problems would have ceased. Unfortunately, the same skin issues I dealt with in puberty are with me today. I have naturally oily, extremely sensitive, acne-prone skin since my secondary school. Also, from years of picking at my acne, I am left with some embarrassing scars.

I have tried so many products and it's like a season coming come and gone those pretty flawless skin were all temporary ( is it? or ACTUALLY i've never had any experience of a day wIthout ACNE!). 

The story starts around October when i has such a hectic schedule as a master-student and part-time-worker to earn money for surviving! And as i have mentioned on my last post, i was graduated (convocation) in November. At that time, I stop wearing any cosmetic and there it goes my blackhead and whitehead being replaced with the BIG ACNE. 

I know the main reason of me leading to this kind of dilemma is due to my super UNHEALTHY lifestyle. My everyday routine starts with waking up at 5am, eats junkfood-oily food for breakfast, fastfood for lunch, instant food for dinner and sleeps at 2 to 3 at night.

okay lets start with the journey of my acne prone skin on the following photos which is so terifying!

(I WARN YOU TO CLOSE YOUR EYES IF YOU FEELS YUCK WITH THIS)

APRIL 2015: during my birthday celebration, its look like scar but actually penuh blackhead. pakai Nour Ain selama hampir 6 bulan, nampak macam okay tapi blackhead tak hilang!

actual skin surface:

iyek!

MAY 2015: May punya gambar takda yang zoom in semua yang nampak macam tak berjerawat. hmm i wonder why !

JUN 2015: masa ni tengah struggle buat thesis DEGREE susah tahap dewa, dagu area paling banyak dan sepah. sebab hari hari minum nescafe!

JULY 2015: Mohon jangan tertipu, nampak macam flawless kan masa bulan 7 sebab kat rumah makan benda sihat sebulan tapi still tthe texture of my skin MACAM KAWAH BULAN.

OGOS-SEPTEMBER-OKTOBER 2015: malas nak upload sebab tak jumpa cari dalam album. tapi bulan bulan ini agak menduga sebab baru masuk sambung belajar dan aku stop pakai Nour Ain.

NOVEMBER-DECEMBER 2015: maka bermula lah mimpi ngeri. after graduation day semua jerawat biasa tu makin berleluasa meluaskan jajahan.

This time, the acne/pimples has evolved. Cystic Acne.

DECEMBER 2015!!!!

throughout the month of these horrible face, i was CALM all the time.
i let them break out everyday without doing anything.
sounds crazy but yes! I did not apply anything on my face to control it. I drink a lot of NESCAFE non-stop and i did not exercise. poor my skin.

JAN 2016: i started doing research and buy some of helpful products as suggested by dermatologist.

Cleanser: AJ Skin Solution

Toner: AIKEN Tea Tree Oil Toner

Moisturizer: NONE

Acne Treat: Nixordem/ Dalacin-T

FEB 2016: in one to two month, the bumpy-zits-blemish-redness- all gone.

what i have done during the semester break in Jan-Feb were:

1. drink lemon+honey every morning

2. drink green tea

3. took a supplement : EPO vitamin + Vit C

4. drink a super lot of PLENTY WATER

5. enough sleep (11pm-6pm)

6. makan benda tak berminyak

MAC 2016:  ALHAMDULILLAH i can feel my skin texture is totally different now. pores makin kecik dah dan rasa tak kering dan kasar sangat. effect vitamin! i used HIRUSCAR-FOR ACNE untuk hilang kan parut. lambat kesannya tapi saya tak kan give up !

gambar latest: 18 Mac 2016

the struggle is real, i know im not alone because when i read all the blogs and forums, there are so many out there suffering with the same problem and even way too worse to handle. so i am thankful and syukur pada Allah yang semua ni cuma dugaan. so i keep myself being positive ! all the time :)

eventhough there r so many of my friends were 'shock' when they meet me, and some of the lecturer even ask me " why muka awak makin teruk ni " and my classmate from Iran also ask me straightawayyyy with questions "do you meet a doctor for your skin?" 
and i was like " errr okay its okay im just okay"

P/S: I still deal with breakouts and scars, but my skin has improved drastically. If you’ve tried any of these products, let me know in the comments below. THANKYOU FOR READING! pray for my skin, pray for future please everyone! struggling is not easy ! heheheheh.

2016.

Hi. Its February 2016.
I haven't update anything since last year.
So how's my 2015? what happened last year?

Dear online diary, a lot of  beautiful, sad, poor, amazing, awesome, peak moment, and unforgetful memories happened last year. With the humble-ness i would like to say thanks, Alhamdulillah for everything.

In short, my 2015:

1. my grandmother had passed away early March 2015 and it was the deepest pain i have ever felt in my entire life. (Al-fatihah)

2. my sister produced one cute little daughter in the middle of March which the only and one niece, they gave her name - Danisha.

3. i pursued study. and yeah still in the engineering field. and it has been one semester and now im having a semester break. oh, master by course.

4.i was successfully graduated from UKM in Bachelor Degree with Honours (Manufacturing Eng,) last November and the convocation day was great.

5. im engaged! ok lied.

Thats the summarization of the whole last year that i remembered the most. and maybe some of the definition of happiness that i embraced couldn't be written here. 

p/s: i had such a nightmare when my no so flawless skin (my face) has become WORSE lepas silap pakai produk skincare local ni. disebabkan salah sendiri tak menyabar dan tak bersyukur dengan condition kulit yang sebelum ini okay (tapi tetap cakap tak okay) now it's bad. still in a process of recovering. i will post about my skin when i got time. alhamdulillah after one month, the pimples gone. cuma tinggal PARUT besar besar. anyone knows anything to do with the scars?